You Need Reasons to Think Spiderman Sucks?
Instead of making a whole new I hate spiderman list, I’ve chosen to respond to letters, and comments I’ve gotten in regard to my post. The parenthesis parts will be me. Below. Caption “I’m coming for your kids!”
Hi My name is Kelly and Im in year eight
and just f y i you are really weird!!! and maybe slightly retarded…(eye yam sofa king we todd ed, Kelly. get an education. didn’t you learn in skewl how 2 talk? How dare you call them retards, you, you, retard.)
Spider man is one of the coolest super heroes around (how dare you call him cool. and if I was doing a “coolest super heroes” list, which this is not, spiderman would not make the 100 hero list. Have you seen his get-up? who made that crap, spiders? because it looks worse than anything Elisa (from season 4 of project runway) has ever made.) and there you are trying to diss him… seriously?! (Yes, trying, but you’re making it a lot easier)
the one-and-only thing i slightly agree with you on is the whole ‘ does he
have a spider bite that can make other people spiders…’ yes that would
be cooler if he did… but still like come on!!! (I’ll have to come on you if you keep this up. [I’m not a pedophile, seriously. don’t visit this site: LINK])
don’t you just love looking at all the little kids in the movie theaters
looking up to spider man like he is the greatest heroes ever?? (yes, I like looking at kids, you got me…) and when
there are dress-up parties and the little kids go to the parties dressed
up like spider man?? Like how cute is that??? awww…
anyways… plz (no. not cool.) dont (punctuation, who do you think I am, E.e. Cummings? [he was a poet who resisted capitalization and puncuation, n00bsause. also, Cummings…hahahaha) reply even though u probly like am totally enraged by all this….so… bye…
Anonymous said: go eat willy
(Done. )
You, sir, are a dumbass. (point taken.) First of all spiderwebs are among the strongest materials known to man (oh yeah, try to break a diamond with a spiderweb. or better yet, try to stop me from cleaning the cobwebs outta jo mamas vajayjay), and if you actually researched what you were dishing on, you’d know that. Not to mention the fact that the spider was radioactive. (like your mom.) Secondly, dinosaurs suck mainly because they are EXTINCT. (like your mom, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself) How many dinosaurs do you know that can swing from webs, spit venom and strike fear into the hearts of millions world-wide even though most are smaller than a quarter? (actually, 3. you should watch out. they are very offended by you. and very angry. not because of you, but because they can’t find a good store to buy clothes for men who are big and tall. oh wait, now I remember, Men’s Wearhouse.) Dinosaurs couldn’t even survive their own Apocalypse, smart-one. Thirdly, how much ass could YOU kick wearing jeans and a t-shirt? (a lot.) Sure Frank Castle did it (also awesome) but Spidey’s suit gave him a greater range of motion for more ass-kicking.(DUH). What makes a true superhero isn’t what they wear or their super-powers, it the fact that they push their own problems aside and sacrifice their life for a greater good (i.e. the lives of millions of other people who can’t defend theirselves against villains). (actually it’s the superpowers and their clothes. If I want to read about mental problems, I’ll pick up your journal, Masturbater McMasturbatesallthetime.) Lastly, the spider that bit Peter Parker, WAS RADIOACTIVE DUMBASS! (you said that already. and nobody seems to care)
“Spidersam” said:
I would just like to say.
you are ridiculosly stupid (a college education would do that to you.)
Spiderman owns, have you ever seen him lose? (well, he is a loser. does that count?)
and when he does. (yes, that’s a sentence.) he gets right back up and kicks ass.
and dinosaurs?
are you freaking stupid? (not nearly enough, apparently. not stupid enough to compete with you.)
you are. sorry. (don’t be sorry, it’s ok. Olive juice, comma.)
dinosaurs cant go in buildings or anything. (that’s why Godzilla rulezzz d00d. am I right?)
they’ll freaking destroy the city. (OH NO! IT’S GODZILLA!!!!!!!!!)
DOUCHE.
think your stupid comments through next time. (ditto!)
Tim is a genius.
From Spidersam.
Whos cooler then you. (put some clothes on, your neighbors are watching you touch yourself…again.)
Shake That Fat, Watch Yourself! Shake That Fat, Show Me Whatcha Workin' With!
Labels:
Off the Wire,
Sports? wtf?
Beer-belly squad to jiggle and cheer
Miami Herald: LINK
The Florida Marlins are looking for some big fans.
And by big, they mean fat.
The team is hosting auditions Sunday for baseball's first all-male, all-obese cheerleading squad: the Manatees.
The Marlins want ''big bellies with the biggest jiggle, big feet with the best dance moves and enthusiasm that will rock Marlins fans out of their seats,'' according to a team flier.
The guys will perform at Friday and Saturday home games during the 2008 season.
No experience necessary; no fat paychecks, either.
''They'll get tickets to the games they're in,'' Marlins spokesman P.J. Loyello said.
To try out, just show up at Dolphin Stadium at 1 p.m. Sunday wearing Marlins gear -- and be ready to dance. The Marlins expect to draft seven to 10 guys for the Manatees, based in part on how well they perform a choreographed routine. Like the Rockettes. Seriously.
The Marlins claim to be the first major league baseball team with a big-man dance squad, but it's old news for Chicago basketball fans. The Matadors have been lighting up the court at Bulls home games since 2003 in their oversized red-and-black gear.
Locally, the Miami Heat has the Golden Oldies -- seniors who shake it at one game a month -- but the Manatees will be South Florida's only big-league, big-guy cheerleaders.
The Manatee tryouts come soon after Men's Fitness ranked Miami-Fort Lauderdale seventh on the magazine's annual list of the fattest places in America.
The magazine reported that 21 percent of South Floridians are obese, and there are more fast-food joints and pizza shops here on average than any other cities on the list.
Maybe the Manatees will inspire South Floridians to shed a few pounds.
Fat chance.
Will the Real Jack Bauer Please Stand Up
Labels:
Off the Wire
Man Gets Probation After Claiming To Be Jack Bauer
Associated Press: LINK
Possibly on PCP?
A college student was given probation for repeatedly ramming his car into another man's vehicle, claiming the man was a terrorist and he was the character Jack Bauer, a federal agent on the Fox television show "24."
However, the victim, Marlon Cantoral, 30, provided a false address to police and did not appear in any of the court proceedings, prompting prosecutors to enter into a plea deal with the student, Edgar Sullivan, 23, of Elverson, Pa. The student faced up to 10 years in prison for second-degree assault, a charge that was dropped as part of the plea deal.
Cantoral may have been living in the United States illegally, and that may have caused him to provide the fake address, said Wayne Kirwan, spokesman for the Howard County State's Attorney's Office.
According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral's van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility.
Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting "he's a terrorist," according to charging documents. "My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist," Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents.
Officers contacted Sullivan's father who said his son was not married and the family was fine, authorities said. In court Thursday, Sullivan apologized for the incident, telling Howard County Circuit Judge Richard Bernhardt that he has been attending alcohol treatment and plans to graduate in May.
Sullivan, a student at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County who pleaded guilty in September to drunken driving, smiled but did not speak as he left the courthouse with his parents.
"This is rather embarrassing for him," Sullivan's attorney Charles Broida said after the court appearance.
"It was bizarre, but he doesn't remember it."
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